Updated: Sep 11, 2020
This is a legitimate entry from my journal last year.
You know when you have an idea or want to start your own business and you keep it a secret?
Hidden in your mind, your journal or even in your dreams and you are TERRIFIED to share it with anyone? I don't think I even fully shared my ideas with myself at first. I would shut down the thoughts in my mind, "oh no Catherine, you can't do that."
I was scared people would think I was mad, ill-equipped, too inexperienced, idealistic, likely to fail. I bet there are some nodding heads right now thinking "yes, me too!"
For all those identifying right now, I'm speaking to you.
Are you a woman who's narrative has been firmly planted in not being enough? Are you a creative who is drowning in comparisons? Are you a qualified, talented person with deafening imposter syndrome? There are so many different versions of these shaming stories we tell ourselves, one for each of us. We all have personal youtube channels, with the same stories on loop everyday, making us hide our gifts from the world and even ourselves.
The feedback I've always had is that I would really go somewhere if I believed in myself. Whatever that means. Ironically this kind of feedback generally makes a person, less confident, not more. I added guilt around not being confident to my youtube channel.
The thought of being a business owner has always felt pretty impossible for me.
However, when I moved back to Liverpool, where I was born, last year after 18 years away my dreams and thoughts of having my own business started getting super frequent. And loud!
I also met so many amazing independent business owners in the city and something clicked in my brain.
Every time my youtube channel switched on, "You're not experienced enough, you'll get some things wrong, it'll be humiliating, this won't happen for you", I started to challenge it. I would say, sometimes out loud, "So what and why not, other people are doing it?" Depending on where I was I would get some funny looks.
I've been doing this now, fairly consistently, for about 3 months and it is yielding some great results. Give it a go, challenge those inner narratives. Tell them not today.
For me, it's taken me out of 'self' and my eyes are opened to the world around me. I've known for a long time that I love collage and I love helping people be creative, but now I'm excited to see how I can use those skills to interact with and contribute to the world.
I'm excited to see a socially engaged business grow and develop. I've already taken the plunge and now I'm staying the path. Allowing myself into the unknown and remaining there, to see where this goes. I finally feel free to dream and be excited.
Look, we may be lucky enough to discover our talents but I, and I'm sure many others, decide to keep them hidden or undeveloped for so long because the journey is so unknown and the fear of failure is so great.
Or worse still, we may never let ourselves discover our purpose at all. Even deciding from the outset we aren't worthy of one.
Let me tell you now, you've got purpose, a totally unique and gloriously created set of skills and strengths. Some people's paths seem more obvious or vocational than others but that's okay, they're all important and have a place.
Instead of trying to figure it all out, challenge the negative stories in your mind and take a step out in faith.
Because why not?
Cut Out Collage is the first step of years of dreaming, come along for the journey. Let's do this together!
Keep collaging & love always, Catherine a.k.a the collage lady.
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